Meeting Myself and an Old Wise Woman

I’m on a train together with my children. We have to change the coach (can’t recall why) and find another compartment. It’s quite full and people have to put their luggage away, giving space for us to sit down. My seat is very large, soft and dark red, not like usual train seats and I realize that I forgot to take my backpack with me. My kids have theirs with them. I tell them to wait until I’ve fetched it. They look at me, and their eyes say, ‘Mom, how could you!’

I’m going back into the other coach. Moving through the train feels very ‘dreamy’ to me. Forgetting my backpack, this is something that normally only happens in dreams to me. Could I be dreaming? I have to be careful and check if I will find my everyday backpack or just a dream version of it!

I’m opening the door of the coach, and a woman hands me a small, new, bright blue backpack. This isn’t mine; I must be dreaming! I’m looking at her and am shocked: she looks exactly like me !!!! WOW – but she is wearing black diving goggles! Otherwise, she wears a blue bike shirt and black shorts, as I had aged around 35 years or so. 

I ask her why she is wearing these goggles. She answers that she doesn’t know and takes them off. I can look into her immaculate, pure face. It seems to be ‘ageless.’

Suddenly she becomes a baby, lying in my arms! I ask her, ‘Why are you a baby?’ Someone behind her answers, ‘Because you are so innocent!’ I want to know, ‘Why am I innocent?’….(can’t recall if I got an answer)….

From the other coach, an age-old woman, holding a child’s hand and other people that seem to be her entourage, approach me. She is wearing a long cape, and I intuitively think – WOW, at last, I encounter a wise old woman archetype in my dream!

I’m looking into her toothless, shriveled, tree trunk like face and ask her in English, ‘Why are you in my dream?’ I observe, how she moves her mouth, eyes, and nose, but I can’t hear her answering. I recall that I must not focus on her too much, otherwise I could wake up.      

‘Please, let me know!’ I wish. I hope very much to get an answer! But I know that it’s difficult just to wait in a lucid dream. I’m fascinated by her face; her nose is more a tree branch hole now, her face made of bluish, red-brown fish scales with round black eyes.

Now she is holding me, or am I holding her too? (I’m not sure). She is pulling me towards her body that feels like the fur of a teddy bear or plumage of an owl mix. She is flying backward back into the other coach holding me firm. I’m getting afraid and know, I shouldn’t!!! This is not ok! Don’t be afraid; but I am! Everything turns black. I recall the lucid light experience that can be black, as I just read in Andrew Holocek’s book. But the possibility to dissolve in No-thingness together with this woman frightens me too much, and I shout, ‘Let me go! Let me wake up!’ and I do.